This Is Now!

Well. I didn't mean to take a break from writing! I haven't been as consistent as I would like... maybe that's an understatement! I have never been very consistent at blogging. But I am realizing that's okay. I think, it boils down to the fact that I want to be real, and not stage my entire life for the internet. I am realizing that a lot of people tend to stage their life around what they think others want to see, or how many 'likes' they will get on FaceBook. So, when life gets busy, when I am anything but calm, when I feel as though my reactions/emotions are out of place, I stop being public. I talk to some people. I post the moments that are good, but I don't let on when something is wrong. So, as a result, I stop blogging. That might be too much information. I am going to tell myself I don't care. Because it is when I tell myself that being real is a big deal, or "different", that I stop communicating.

I started college in August. I am taking 14 credits this semester, and I am currently majoring in Psychology. Don't ask me exactly what I am going to do with that. It boils down to where God leads me. Honestly, the transition was a lot harder than I expected. I struggled. I went backwards emotionally. At least, that's what it felt like at the time. But, I realized the amazing people I have around me, and how amazing my time at this school is going to be. I am honestly still struggling. I failed two tests, I have panic attacks, or nights that I am so anxious I can't function enough to do homework or even fall asleep. There are good parts though. I am making a whole slew of friends. I am connecting with different people in different ways. I am learning and growing in the Lord. A big part of this school is required chapel. Monday through Friday, right in the middle of the day. No classes are scheduled during this time. You only have a certain amount of allowed skips per semester. People grumble about this but I love it. I had a total of 15 skips as a freshman this year. I have only used 2. I love my RA (in-hall Resident Adviser), and DL's (again, in-hall Discipleship Leaders) . They are such leaders, and I know I can talk to them about anything. I have also enjoyed getting the chance to know my RD (Resident Director, in charge of the entire dorm building). We have a brother floor. We are encouraged to have healthy guy-girl relationships that don't involve dating. I LOVE it! I have never been very comfortable around guys, and this is a chance to change that. Now, I will admit that the first time that we had open dorms, I had in my room. But by now I am more comfortable talking to them, and therefore other guys on campus.This is good! I am going home in two weeks. We have fall break coming up, and it will be the first time in over a month that I have seen my family. We have consistently used FaceTime for the iPod, but it is just not the same. I miss them. I miss my home. I miss the little girls that live below us, and I wish I had gotten more time to get to know the new baby their mama just had. She was born less than a week before I left. I have a job on campus. It is actually really good. Only 12 1/2 hours a week, but it is enough. I can pay my tuition installments that were left after scholarships and loans. I can buy a little food. I am not broke, I just have to be careful. I am realizing that sometimes I have more self-control regarding my finances than I thought. I am learning, I am growing, life is good.

I guess that should be all for now. Upcoming, I have a test on Tuesday, a test on Thursday, and a 5 page research paper on Friday. I should have probably worked on those before blogging, but it has felt good to write again.

Toodles!